Some perspective

I spent part of the night tonight watching Extreme Makeover, Home Edition....and therefore I spent part of the night tonight crying. I think I'm going to just accept the fact that I will be like this for the rest of my life. Touching stories, people in need, people helping people in need, it all makes me get choked up.

Today, we attended church in Greenville, IL. It was refreshing to attend a service and just be able to show up. It's been five years for us in full-time ministry and I can probably count on my hands the amount of Sundays we've been able to go to church without either one of us having responsibilities. Now, we really enjoy what we have chosen to dedicate our lives to. We love ministry and truly believe that it is what God wants us to do, but it's also nice to partake in worship from a different perspective once in a while. After the service was over, we chatted a bit and then headed home - a four hour car ride with both of the boys. This is not our idea of a good time (I mean the car ride with the children), but it's the only way to get from A to B! Fortunately, they were both really tired and slept for part of the trip. The other part I spent in the back seat, shielding sun out of their eyes, holding the laptop so #1 could watch a movie, feeding #2 a bottle, etc. I was so glad to finally make it home!

When we walked in the door, there was the house, just as we had left it. No magic cleaning fairy had visited our home while we were gone. And of course, the boys didn't want to just sit quietly while Mommy unpacked, did laundry, made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. In the midst of #1 asking me to sit with him at the table while I was trying to do laundry, I was reminded of the sermon we heard this morning.

Today, we were called to learn or remember how to pray. The pastor talked about using the instruments at our disposal - our eyes, our hands, our voices and our time and energy to pray. That last thing - time and energy - really rang in my ears today. It's as if when he said that God just asked me, "Bekki, what have you been worrying about lately? what has been getting your time and energy, because it's not me." Yikes. He was totally right (can you expect any different from the One who created us?). My mind would do better dwelling on things other than worrying about a clean house or making sure my children are quiet and well behaved. If you know my children you may wonder if that is something that I really spend time thinking about and trying to achieve since #1 is always making noise of some sort and rarely sits still! (He is a really good kid though. He's just very energetic!) There are plenty of things that distract us from what should truly be our focus. I'm going to strive to spend more of my time and energy in prayer and meaningful duties. Sometimes this will happen while I'm cleaning, but tonight, it was in time spent with my oldest son, making him laugh, giving him hugs and kisses, singing, wrestling and just having fun, that I started to regain my perspective. Hopefully tomorrow will be another step in the right direction.

It's a rainy, yucky day outside and the boys are asleep. What peace there is in the house! As I siet here and actually type up a new post, the only things I can think to write about are the same old issues. My kids are mostly on my mind lately. I've come to realize just how much encouragement I need when it comes to being a mom. I second guess myself all the time and almost constantly wonder if there are things I'm doing wrong. I'm sure it's inevitable that I'm messing up in some way...afterall, I'm not yet perfect!

This past weekend, we went to visit my in-laws. It had been quite a while since the boys had seen Ga Ga and even longer since seeing Erick's Dad. Though it was short, it was a good trip. I really enjoy visiting with Erick's family. Things are always easy going and Ga Ga is always happy to take the boys so Erick and I can sneak away for a little time together. But there's something else too, about visiting with them. I always leave feeling like I'm doing well with my children. I don't know how many times Erick's mom, grandma and even sometimes his step-dad tell us that we're great parents. They point out the times that I'm consistent and usually offer some kind of praise and I thrive off of that! Now, if only I could record them telling me that I'm a good mom so that I could play it back to myself the next day, when we're back at home and my eldest is throwing a fit again and I feel like giving in to what he wants. Or he has again hit his brother and I really don't want to put him in a time out or give him a spanking.

I think as moms, we need to be told more often what it is that we're doing right. Now, there are certainly times that I would like advice from other moms, but really what helps me is when another mom tells me that she thinks I'm doing well. This isn't a plea for anyone who is a mom and reading this to comment and tell me that i'm doing a good job (though I will never turn down those compliments!). I'm just simply making an observation that I've noticed recently. I mean, wouldn't it help you if someone noticed something you were doing well with your children and told you about it? Pointed it out and let you know how wonderful it was? Uh, yeah...I think so! So, for all you moms out there, wondering if you're raising your kids well, take heart. We're all wondering the same thing....even the moms that freely give out advice whether you ask for it or not (you all know the kind of moms I mean) and seem as though they think they have all the answers. There are even times for them when they're not sure if they just did the right thing.

As for other things I've been thinking about....hmmm...there's just not enough time to write more and take a nap while the boys are still sleeping. Nap wins!

My morning

Okay, so last night wasn't the best night of my life. Praise God for new mornings. The day has started of pretty well. I was able to send my husband off to work in a pleasant mood, instead of secretly wishing he would stay home so that I could sleep and resenting the fact that I had to once again stay home by myself with two young children. I am actually happy to be with the boys today. Maybe that sounds bad to say that sometimes I'm not all that happy, but it's really hard work to be a mom. It drains you like nothing else I've ever experienced. I'm usually and pretty happy, positive person, but motherhood challenges that spirit within me every day!

Actually, I should probably get back to my boys. Jack is playing in the bathroom, which is probably not good, and Adam is sleeping in his crib....such a sweet heart!

Just an update on the food battle.....Yesterday I ate too many of the butterscotch bars I made, so I felt like throwing up last night. This morning, so far so good. Just a bowl of cereal and some OJ for breakfast. Hoping to keep myself in check today!